We should have been at the airport now, sipping complimentary drinks in the Aspire Lounge at London Gatwick, waiting to board our flight to New York. I was so excited about it, my first time in NYC!
Instead I’m sat at home in a filthy, dirty house too scared to get up and start tidying and cleaning up as Harrison has finally settled off to sleep and I don’t want to wake him up. The poor lad is exhausted, well, so are we. This recent blip I have written about before turned into a very rocky week long patch and we felt completely helpless. Leaving us with no choice but to cancel our trip to NY and get H in to see a canine epilepsy expert ASAP, before we lose him.
I was scheduled to go to New York with school in October 2001, but they cancelled the trip after the terrorist attacks. Maybe its a sign? Maybe I am not really ever meant to make it to New York?
Anyway. Things kicked off last Wednesday evening around 21:00, but the seizures continued for about 14 hours and he never really recovered in between, even though the duration between was longer than normal. Our vet prescribed keppra as a cluster buster, but it barely touched the sides. Yes the seizures seemed to subside short term, but Harrison was manic, frantic, endlessly pacing around. The brain activity was clearly still going on and the keppra was fighting against it, but it didn’t seem to be enough.
Then the seizures kept coming, we never expected more when he was put on keppra, but sure enough seizure activity broke through. I said there and then I didn’t feel comfortable leaving to go on holiday and we needed to cancel/postpone/reschedule and do whatever necessary to get him sorted. Crisis point you could say. Not sure how much more of this he or we can take.
So we’re booked in to see Luisa De Risio, Head of Neurology at the Animal Health Trust Friday morning. Essentially, if she can’t help us then no one can! Luisa is a leading canine epilepsy expert and has even published a book on the subject, which I refer to on my Resources & Info page.
Feeling optimistic, but at the end of the road really, this is our last chance to get him hopefully the right help, or we have to call it a day. It’s not fair on him and he’s not himself at all.
He barks constantly, like a frustrated helpless bark and is even biting us accidentally during play, but much harder than a play bite, so we can’t sustain this for very long.
For anyone who’s ever been in this situation, my heart goes out to you. It’s absolutely awful and you constantly question whether its fair to even carry on for the time it will take to try and regain some control. This moral, ethical conflict is really hard!
At least he is asleep for the moment, so we get a minute’s peace. But we’re living in fear that the phone ringing or any other external noise will wake him up and we’ll be sent right back into that sick cycle of frustration, which takes him so long to snap out of and settle down from.
At least after Friday’s appointment we should know whether there is any hope, or whether we’re just prolonging the inevitable. I’ve already made my peace with it and don’t feel that sad as I write this or think about it now. I know I would be sad, devastated, if we had to have our poor, sweet boy put to sleep, but I would feel reassured that we had taken things as far as we physically and mentally could, sought the best advice and care available and tried everything we could for him, before making any rash decision.